Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
