I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
