I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
