My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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