I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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