Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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