I think im going to throw up on grandma
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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