Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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