i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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