Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
