We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize