We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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