I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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