i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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