you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
