This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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