he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
