I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
