I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she smelled like a LAN party
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
