Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
