Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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