are you still at the devil's house?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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