am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
