Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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