dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
