Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
