In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
