Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
