As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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