Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
