I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
