Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
