Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
