I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
