How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
