how do flat chested girls get laid?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
