She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
