I skipped work to stalk him.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
