i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
