Umm I'm too high to move.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
