I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
