It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drake has all the answers
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
