My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
