he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
