Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize