Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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