Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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