Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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