Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
