I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
