I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and she was petting her beer can
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize