i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
