god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
