your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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