I can text with my tongue
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
