if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
