You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
