put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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