I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
