this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
