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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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