Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
