in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
