How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
