So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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