My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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