He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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