she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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